The London Review of Books published a compendium of the weirdest and funniest advertisements from the eccentric readers who write to it’s personal column in seek of love, sex, or friendship with like minded people. You know- serial embezzlers, beardy physicists known as Naughty Lola, or self-harming flautists.

The book is called “They call me Naughty Lola”, and it proves that the English are not all stiff-upper lip with this strange collection.

Here’s an example of what you might find in Naughty Lola:

“Woman, 32, needful of the finer things in life seeks stinking rich bloke, 80-100,” one ad says. “Must be willing to fibrillate his ventricles when he becomes tiresome or bankrupt or both. Also interesting thirtysomethings for illicit, immoral affair to be conducted concurrently with the above.”

Or maybe this guy’s more your style? “Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53 seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.”

The column began in 1988 and was meant to be a genuine lonely hearts column, however after his first submission arrived - “67-year-old disaffiliated flaneur picking my toothless way through the urban sprawl, self-destructive, sliding towards pathos, jacked up on Viagra and on the lookout for a contortionist who plays the trumpet.” David Rose, the columns creator, decided to create his column as a a notice board for the strange, hilarious and downright bizarre.

Surprisingly entries such as - “You were reading the BBC in-house magazine on the Jubilee Line (12 November). I was coughing hot tea through my nostrils. Surely you can’t have forgotten? Write now to smitten, weak-kneed, severely burnt, bumbling F (32, but normally I look younger). I’ll be quite a catch when my top lip has healed. And this brace isn’t forever.” have often resulted in marriages, children, at least one divorce and countless liaisons.

Good Grief, what else are they going to ban?

Add two more Massachusetts primary schools to the list of US schools that have been banning the age-old game of tag for fear that children may get hurt and their parents will sue. Officials at McCarthy Elementary School told the local media that the children have been ordered to invent a new no-contact version of the game for safety reasons.

“If the hands come out to touch, then the supervisors ask them to stop,” McCarthy principal Joan Vodoklys was quoted as saying in the Boston Herald Friday. “What we require is that children do not touch each other.”

Do these kids still have gym class? If they do that will probably be banned next. Don’t children need to run around and play to burn off all that extra energy? I some how made it through primary school without hurting myself so badly that my parents thought to sue the school.

What do you think of schools banning games of tag?

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Did you hear the story about the man who was jailed for urinating in a soda that sickened a convenience store customer could be in trouble again, this time because he can’t produce the bodily fluid. Right.

The accused urinator, Anthony Mesa, 22, was sentenced to six months in jail for urinating in the bottle of Mountain Dew and must also periodically take a urine drug test.

Unfortunately, he failed to take a court-ordered test Sept. 19, the Orlando Sentinel reported Thursday.

He said he has a condition called shy bladder that affects his ability to urinate in public and therefore to take the drug test. He has offered to take the test another way, including with a blood sample. I guess he’s trying?

Mesa, a former convenience store clerk in Deltona, pleaded no contest last year to tampering with a consumer product. A construction worker who purchased the soda he urinated in began vomiting after drinking it. Well I guess so if someone peed in it.

Gross!