Are these people smokin’ something?

Retiring Gangsters get government aid

Since hundreds of Japanese Yakuza gangsters are nearing retirement age, the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has drafted rules for the former gambling, loan shark and protection workers to qualify for benefits, according to a March dispatch from Tokyo in The Times of London. Since organized crime leaves no employment paper trail, ex-mobsters must supply a letter of retirement from their crime boss in order to sign up, although local governments are expected to accept as partial proof gang tattoos, criminal records and demonstrations of missing finger tips (the sign of traditional Yakuza punishment for mistakes).

Dumb Arsonists call 911 and tip police to their crime:

ENID, Okla. Two men were jailed on arson complaints after one of them hit the wrong button on a cell phone, giving 911 dispatchers an account of a plot to set a vehicle on fire.

Dispatchers and a shift supervisor listened for nearly four hours as the two men drove across town. Authorities aren’t able to trace cell phone calls and instead had to listen for clues to the men’s location.

“It’s all on tape; we’ve got the whole thing,” Enid police Capt. Jim Nivison said. “They made some pretty dumb statements. One of the males said, it’s gonna burn, will they be able to get fingerprints?” and “I’ve got the lighter, dude. Let’s go.”

Authorities said the suspects set the car on fire, and its owner put out the blaze after hearing a commotion. Police said they were able to locate the car based on the conversations overheard from the cell phone call.